Helpful Tips to Avoid Mom Burnout with Toddlers
I never dreamed of being a mom to multiple young children.
As much as I knew deep down that, of course, I wanted kids, and probably more than one, I never thought I would have 3 wild and energetic boys under 5 years old before I had even turned 30.
That’s not to say that I don’t absolutely love my boys to bits. They have filled my world with so much joy, they have challenged me to grow and become a better person, and they’ve given me a reason to keep going countless times.
Let’s be completely honest here, though, they’ve put a halt to quite a bit as well.
Before I became a mom, I lived in a huge city. I had big goals for my career, and a long list of bucket list experiences to check off. Growing up in a small town and moving to a huge city in a separate state from anyone I knew gave me the opportunity to start completely fresh, and I woke up every day feeling like the world was full of endless opportunities just waiting for me.
While having children was something I wanted to do, I saw that as an experience I’d have far in the future. When I got pregnant I was ecstatic, and I did know that what I was taking on would change my life.
However, no one told me about the mental load I would carry every day. No one told me about all the loud parenting advice I’d receive that would leave me feeling even more confused and frustrated. No one told me about the severe hormonal dip I’d experience along with physical recovery, while learning how to keep another human alive by myself for long periods of time. No one told me. Nothing could have prepared me for the first 3 months after my first son was born.
It took me YEARS to find solutions. Years of depending on my husband to let me shower, years of figuring out how to get out in public with kids, years of trying to fit my hobbies in between naps and bath times. There were years of frustration and loneliness.
Looking back, I wish there was someone in my life who was brutally honest with me about the changes that no one else talks about. There are a lot of things I wish for the first-time mom version of myself. More than anything, however, I wish I would have accepted motherhood for myself a long time ago. When I stopped pushing for breaks and a helping hand and started problem solving for myself, things improved. I realized that I was lacking structure and balance in a way that only I could accept. Once I gained that autonomy and responsibility for myself, I could bring so much more stability to my household as well.
Here are 6 sanity-saving steps I took to get out of the cycle of burnout and gain more balance in my day as a mom.
1. Embrace the dysfunction
Don’t be afraid to be a little loud or messy. I noticed that I was stressing over a million little spills and stains every day, exhausting myself trying to find a way to keep my kids’ toys organized. Truthfully, it was taking up space in my head and using energy that I needed for more productive thoughts and habits. That spill? I can clean it up. A little cheeto stain? I have laundry detergent.
The truth is, you can even put your children in environments that allow for messes as well. For example, we spend time outside every day. We take multiple baths a day occasionally. The kids have a separate room for their toys that I clean once per week. And no, I don’t have a ton of storage. I have about 3 or 4 boxes that I throw toys in randomly and if there are extra, I might get lucky and find a leftover diaper box to throw some in.
There are also boundaries here, and you set those as the parent. For example, we don’t allow slime in our house. It’s too messy and always ruins my kids’ clothes. This step is more about practicality for your peace of mind. If completing a task feels like climbing a mountain, you’ll never start. If the task is simplified, it’s easier to get started. So don’t get caught up in having all the cars in the same bin or all of the clothes folded and sorted. Respectfully, from one mother to another, chill out, my friend. You’ll be surprised at how much more you accomplish.
2. Stop waiting for your village
It’s so common for mothers to experience feelings of loneliness and helplessness at times. Heck, I had months where I felt like that daily. It’s not ok, but it’s also common.
A new national survey conducted by The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center finds a broad majority of parents experience isolation, loneliness and burnout from the demands of parenthood, with many feeling a lack of support in fulfilling that role.
The survey of parents conducted this month found:
- About two-thirds (66%) felt the demands of parenthood sometimes or frequently feel isolating and lonely.
- About 62% feel burned out by their responsibilities as a parent.
- Nearly 2 in 5 (38%) feel they have no one to support them in their parenting role.
- Nearly 4 in 5 (79%) would value a way to connect with other parents outside of work and home.*
Beyond the way our country is set up and all of the political oppression against women, I think the trouble here is that motherhood is presented in a package that includes a little add-on village most of the time. We romanticize our children having a community of people: grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, friends, classmates, and the list goes on and on. Unfortunately for most of us, people that we thought would be crucial pillars of support post-kids sometimes end up nonexistent. Sometimes circumstances cause people to move, pass away, or be otherwise unavailable once the time actually presents itself. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but people aren’t always going to show up for you the way you think you need them to. Guess what, though? That’s ok. Because the truth is, you can do this. You are the perfect mom for your kids, and you have everything you need within yourself to give them a great childhood. That doesn’t mean doing it alone. That doesn’t mean it won’t be challenging. It means taking back your autonomy, little by little, every day, as an individual and your power as a mother. Women have been doing this since day one. Stop letting imposter syndrome keep you from your best life, you got this!
3. Start a morning routine with your kids
This one? Tough. It’s hard. I had never been a morning person. I passed my only 8 am in college with a “C” simply because I could never make it on time. Now, it’s not only me that’s waking up every morning, it’s also four little munchkins. As a child, Getting ready in the morning was the most stressful part of the day, and it usually ended in us being 20 minutes late, my sister bawling and my mother cursing. It is absolutely vital to me that I set a positive and healthy tone for my kids that allows them to start their day with peace and confidence. I’ve tried many different routines/schedules/planners. What has helped me to be the most consistent recently, is to get up first with my baby and take time to wake up without the noise and chaos. Before the older kids wake up, I tackle something that I can do from the couch to help me feel more accomplished and keep me off social media. Then, once my middle child wakes up, I also wake up my oldest to keep their sleep schedule together. Our morning routine currently looks like this:
- Wake up
- Water + Antidepressant
- Duolingo
- Breakfast
- Get Kids Ready
- Get Myself Ready
- Tidy up
Somewhere in there my baby usually takes a nap, but if I get all of that finished before he goes down, I’ll take the kids on an outing and let the baby sleep in his carseat. I have a wonderful checklist that I use to help keep our mornings on track. If you’d like a copy of that for free click here.
4. Make time for yourself as a mom
This is probably the easiest one to brush off, but I also believe wholeheartedly this is the most important one. You have to find ways to make time for your hygiene, your rest, your social life, and your interests. You have to be fully charged as a parent and especially a mother who spends all her energy nurturing and taking care of others. I spent the first few years of motherhood waiting for someone else to give me a break. It was paralyzing me and it took forever to realize it. Sometimes, I would go 4 or 5 days without a shower, just because I didn’t want to bother anyone to watch the baby, and I didn’t want to leave the baby alone, either.
What I’ve learned about motherhood is that flexibility and adaptability are key here. If you continue to try to do everything the way that you used to, it will not fit into the life you have now. You have to be willing to make adjustments, or you will end up making a lot of sacrifices. I had to learn to put the baby in his seat in the bathroom, while I took a (QUICK) shower. I found easy meals with high protein value that would keep me full and give me energy (if you don’t have an air fryer, RUN to the store.) I read while the kids play outside, and I do work at the library while the kids play in the closed-off space created for them. I discovered through trial-and-error what was important to me to do to feel clean and fresh in the morning (straighten my hair, don’t worry about makeup) and I made sure to give myself 20 minutes every morning to complete those tasks. Sometimes those 20 minutes were broken up into 5 minute segments while I checked on the kids. It’s okay, and actually easier to break all of these routines down into teeny, tiny steps so that you can pause and pick back up with less transition time.
5. Turn off social media and trust your judgement
I love to recommend this to anyone struggling with their mental health, but especially stay-at-home-moms. Social media is depressing. Period. It tricks you into feeling connection when, truthfully, there isn’t. There is an impossible standard set by people’s curated happiest moments being marketed as the standard for daily life. The truth is, your life is what you make it. Parenting, it is what you make it. What works in one household does not work in every household. Just because someone has something or is skilled in a certain way does not mean you are lacking. Get off of social media, delete the apps from your phone for 30 days. If you can’t do that, then try for 10 days. But for as long as possible get off of the apps entirely. Monitor yourself and notice the changes that happen in your mood, and in your kids’ mood. When you download them again, pay attention to the effects it’s having on your mind and your habits throughout the day.
The second half of this is to trust your judgement. For many stay at home moms, social media is the main way we spend our time. We get a lot of great ideas off pinterest, tiktok, whatever platform you choose. There are many positive uses for social media and I’m not saying it is all bad. However, this is something that must be used in moderation because, at the end of the day, no one knows your children like you do. No one has spent more time with them than you have. Mothers do know best! Trust your judgement not only in your parenting choices, but also the choices you make for yourself. If you want a job, get a job. If you want to stay home, stay home. If you want to breastfeed, breastfeed. If you want to use formula, do so. You are allowed to live your life in the way that suits you best. Stand on it.
6. Try therapy
A lot of this didn’t really take hold for me until I started talking to someone else on a regular basis about it. We could sit and debrief, what worked well this week, what needed to be adjusted. I had someone else to work with and brainstorm the best possible solutions to any issues that happened to arise the week prior. One thing therapy has taught me since I started about a month ago is that short term comfort does not equal long term success. Sometimes, doing the things that seem really big, hard, or scary can be the best thing for us. Sometimes, the fears surrounding these activities aren’t truly as valid as we allow them to be. But the thing about anxiety is that once that fear is created, it is never tested to be proven true or false. If it would simply be tested, we may find that it was false after all. The more you realize that you have been telling yourself lies that have kept you stuck, the more excited you can be that there are solutions to your problems. They may be difficult, and require adjustments, but they will not cause everything to fall apart around you. You can handle the curveballs.
For example, recently I’ve begun to take my kids to the park by myself once per week. I have not done this yet because I have 3 kids, they each bolt in a different direction as soon as we get there, and wrangling them back up to leave when we’re done is a real-life nightmare. I can’t really change a lot of these things. I can’t control how they feel, or what they play with. Instead of choosing defeat, and sitting at home, I decided to go ahead and give it a shot. I would work out the kinks on the job.
It was not perfect! We had some issues. I got overstimulated and overwhelmed, and yes, leaving was a real-life nightmare. However, I think the kids will get better at that with practice, the more often we go. My fear of not being able to keep track of them was put to ease with a smaller sized playground. There were bumps, but it was absolutely not impossible and, dare I say, easier than I thought it would be.
Go for tiny changes
I hope that some of this advice can be helpful for you. What I’ve noticed more than anything is that tiny changes can have a huge impact on your day, but it does take effort and requires a lot of patience and grace towards yourself. If you are here reading this article, that means you are doing your best to learn and try something new. You got this, mama!
Sources
“New Survey Finds Loneliness Epidemic Runs Deep among Parents.” New Survey Finds Loneliness Epidemic Runs Deep among Parents | The Ohio State University College of Nursing, nursing.osu.edu/news/2024/05/01/new-survey-finds-loneliness-epidemic-runs-deep-among-parents. Accessed 06 Apr. 2025.